Monday, May 7, 2007


Saw Spiderman 3 yesterday, but that is not what this is about...

I watched a movie yesterday, and it may be the worst one I have ever seen. This particular movie was a "National Lampoon" movie, and I have let go of all hope that their movies were ever going to be funny again a long time ago. But I didn't expect this.

The movie, National Lampoon's Blackball, succeeded in doing what no movie has done before, and that is keep me watching despite never once being interested. If you like British Comedy like Monty Python's you better stay away from this film. If you don't like British Comedy, then you better stay away from this film. Click on the link, it's for Rotten Tomatos, a movie review site, and it doesn't get one good review.

If British Comedy was a high school class, the producers of this film better hope the teacher drops the lowest grade. This film was so bad it could fail a student with perfect marks. It was supposed to be a comedy, it wasn't funny. Not only that, it didn't even seem to be a bad drama or suspense film, it was just a horrible movie, it tasted bad even.

There was a bright spot I suppose, Vince Vaughn was in it. But he wasn't the bright spot. The bright spot was that the movie was about a psuedo-sport (Balls) that was overly dramatized for marketing purposes. The finals at the end of the movie was similar to the end of Dodgeball (except that there were no laughs). So it seems as maybe Vaughn, while on this movie, thought to himself, "This movie sucks, but perhaps we can make a funny one like it later." I don't know how much Vaughn had to do with coming up with "Dodgeball" but if him being in this piece of crap contributed to that movie being made, then perhaps it wasn't all for nothing.

It was Sunday, I was bored, the movie was on Starz Comedy, so I gave it a chance. I've yet to figure out why I had no ability to turn it off.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Old Man Here

I'm old, or at least getting old.

Sure, I'm only 27, and a young looking 27 at that. But at this age I've already lost a body organ, and work with people 10 years younger than me. Music is often too loud and I don't anybody in my cell phone a special ring tone. They all get the same one. Not only that, its a standard tone. It's not "ring ring" but its one of the ones that come with the phone. I don't text too much, and when I do, I use proper punctuation and spell everything out. How old fogey-ish is that?

I'm only 27, yet somehow my life has spanned 4 different decades already, and 5 presidents. I have a crazy good memory so my "oldness" is more apparent because not only do I remember the "Transformers" I remember storylines of some of the episodes, and how much the toys cost.

I just got an iPod like, yesterday, and I have less than 1,000 songs. The kids say that means I'm out of the loop. Anything less than 2,500 and apparently you are a loser, or just old.

I was there when Michael Jackson was cool, and Weird Al was funny. I was there when Madonna was hot, and Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were money. I wasn't there when Leonardo DiCaprio was on Family Ties, but I watched the show before that, and stopped watching when they started adding characters. I remember when Boxing was a big sport and condoms were for sailors (I didn't know what that meant, but I remember the phrase.) Now Steve Martin is old with white hair, but I remember when he was middle aged with white hair. I remember when the newest Rocky movie was good and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie was "live-action."

I remeber when Conan O'briens "In the year 2000" was before the year 2000.

Only 27, but so goddamned old.

Coney Island

Sunday, while being both Earth Day and Yom Haazemat, was also a very nice day, weather-wise. So I met some friends at Coney Island who I haven't seen for awhile.

Among the things I did, (aquarium, boardwalk, etc) was a Freak Show. Now, this wasn't the type of Freak Show you see in movies, whether its in Mexico, or 75 years ago when you were allowed to have actual freaks. Instead, it included a magician who would consider doing birthday parties a "promotion", a guy who could eat half a lighbulb, a geek (guy who bites head off of chickens) who just laid on a bed of nails, a fire breather (which was acutal kind of cool), a dancing little person (more on that later) and a contortionist who "was sooo flexible" that she could curl into the fetal position. This lady also double as a snake charmer whose only skill seemed to be that she could lift up the python she had.

It was $6 to enter, not a bad deal I suppose. But what that actually meant was you paid $6 for the right to pay more money inside to see the "cool things." The flexible lady cost an addition fee to see her in the fetal position avoiding "sharp knives" in a box. Then there was a "mummy" of a wiseguy who apparently was only 3'9". That cost another dollar. Then, in between acts, there was a commericial for some pizzeria, thats right, a commerical in the middle of a live show.

Now back to the little person. All he did was dance, which was a little odd since it doesn't constitute "freak" in any way, and seemed to be a bit like exploitation. But anyway, before his act, the "MC" went over "Little Jimmy's" career. He opened for Sister Sledge, sounds fine.

Then the hammer...

He was in a movie you might have heard of. No, not Wizard of Oz, he wasn't 90. But another classic known for its use of little people. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." Not the fake me out remake, but the original with Gene Wilder. Now, it was always a goal of mine to meet an Oompa Loompa, and a real one, not "Wee Man" from Jackass. Granted, I was 9 when I made that goal, but either way, its been realized, and honestly, it feels great. One of the guys in our group even said "good show" to him as we left, and he ended up talking to up for about 20 minutes. That's right, not only did I meet an Oompa, but spoke to one as well. You'll be jealous of me the rest of your life (or until you meet your own Oompa Loompa) if you are any sort of decent human being. I didn't ask if he was a "front line" Oompa, or just a "backup" one, but I wanted to. It was to the point that I considered following Little Jimmy home to see if there was in fact a chocolate river. Then I realized I was 27 and that would be odd.

For what totalled 9 dollars, the Freak Show was a good time. It was one of those "so bad you'll always remember it" type of shows, and of course, the Oopma Loompa.

To be fair, I'm sure all these acts have better stuff, but they get about 5-10 minutes to do something on a tiny little stage. When the fire breather was doing his act, I saw the contortionist checking out his show. Turns out they're married. Hmm, even "Freaks" get married, who knew?

Jewish Holidays

Recently, I was asked "how many Jewish holidays are there?" Well, I found out, 22, if you count Israeli holidays. Here's a List

Sunday is Yom Ha'atzma'u, or Israeli Independence day, last Sunday was Yom HaShoah, the Holocaust Remembrance Day. Saturday is Yom Hazikaron, Jewish Memorial Day.
A quick explanation of some random Jewish Holidays:

Chanukkah - We were kicked out of our homeland, candle lasted longer than it should have.

Passover - Jews were slaves, Moses killed a bunch of Egyptian first born sons to change that.

The Three Weeks and the Nine Days - collapse of Jerusalem during Roman Occupation

22 isn't a lot, I supposed we get a lot of crap are the amount of days these holidays take up. Passover is a week, Chanukah is 8 days, and The The Weeks and the Nine Days is.., um, three weeks (the 9 days are within the three weeks). Add the Yom etc, holidays above, thats about 40 days of holidays, for only 6 actual holidays.

I bring those particular holidays up for a reason though. They are all the end results of other people messing with us. Jews would love to never have been bounced around from country to country, been slaves, or victims of a Holocaust, but we were. Half of our holidays (in terms of days) are your fault, so stop bitching.

Oh, by the way, April 25th is "Administrative Professionals Day," not a Jewish holiday, apparently we're not the only ones who can't go two weeks without a holiday.